Hoarding and The Holidays: The Elephant in The Room

Hoarding Disorder – categorized by the inability to rid of items despite need, worth or cleanliness, can affect up to 2-6% of the population of the United States. It is no wonder that Aunt Martha loves to collect trinkets enough to fill shelves for a lifetime, or how Uncle John just loves gathering new – or old – tools that he will never use.

However those who are affected by Hoarding Disorder in our lives – the holidays are the most important time of year for support systems. A person with hoarding disorder is most likely dealing with, or not dealing with properly, a co-morbidity that coincides with clinical depression on top of the Hoarding Disorder itself. Depression during the holidays can leave those feeling the daunting ping of loneliness, and isolation. Some even avoid holiday gatherings because they feel like they have become a burden to family members or friends, a symptom of both depression and hoarding disorder alike. People with Hoarding Disorder should know that they are loved, have a good support system, are not judged, and are most importantly not alone.

The Elephant in The Room:

The fear of being judged, the embarrassment that comes along with the disorder – are all things that a hoarder will feel, especially during the holidays. During gatherings they may feel an inability to release tension due to the fear that they will be judged, called out, or embarrassed. A word may not be spoken, but judgement can be felt through our body language. In the same mindset of someone battling cancer – we would not dare blame them for getting the cancer, but instead look for answers and treatment options; a battle towards a cure. Mental Disorders like Hoarding Disorder are invisible illness that can result from trauma, neglect, and many other variables. This does not mean it is “in their head”, but it is still something that is not their fault.

It is vital that we are here to love them and be present for them despite how we may deem their living environment. And when they want to receive help, we will be there to aide them in the process of finding that help. Cognitive behavioral therapy is a key first-stepping stone into that help.

Pressuring someone with Hoarding Disorder to get rid of their things, or clean out their home, can be absolutely devastating to the affected person. In some cases, helping a hoarder unexpectedly, or without permission can cause them to become ill or to associate trauma with the clean-out process and cause them to not want help at all. This is a tragic situation, that has happened countless times in families, and it can tear loved ones into further isolation.

Lowering expectations of a “miracle” to happen during the holiday season for someone with hoarding disorder is important. This is a time of celebrating good company and participating in fond memories, not to change someone’s habits of living and attempt progress.

Practicing empathetic listening may be a key tool in aiding someone with Hoarding Disorder. Because while to you, a plastic bag is deemed as trash, to them it is not as simple as making that decision. Be patient, compassionate and understanding of your loved one if and when they decide to talk about and seek out help for their Hoarding Disorder – be the support system they will most definitely need.